Holiday travel is always an adventure, sometimes more than others. We’ve all had to deal with some traveling nightmares, here’s my version of many of the frustrating (and funny) traveling experiences we’ve all had. Read on and I hope you enjoy.

The Fun Begins at Check-In

Let’s begin with the check-in line. Your journey begins with a line to check your bags is too long. Someone in front of you is not fully prepared and they forgot to label their luggage, can’t find their ID or have too big of a carry-on. After this line, you get to the line where they frisk you, I mean where the TSA does their screening, and people always have 17 laptops, metal everywhere, and a child who doesn’t listen to his or her parents.

Once you get through that circus you have to redress y<> on September 26, 2014 in Chicago, Illinois.ourself and find all your crap. Inevitably someone is bumping you or doesn’t understand personal space. They are talking way too close to your ear about something they can’t find. Somehow they have four of those gray containers and can’t seem to locate all their stuff. Eventually reaching into your bin and searching through your items. You quickly pull your laptop, shoes, and belt out and find a place away from the chaos to get redressed.

After you get your pants cinched up with your belt and gather your carry-on and other junk, you go off to wait at your gate. If you’re lucky, you find a seat that is at least semi-private, but of course, the cute couple that is going on a trip together decides to sit next to you and talk loudly about their soon to come adventures.

After burying your head in a game of Angry Birds, you finally hear the call for your flight. But the news isn’t good. It’s delayed because of a malfunctioning bathroom door or some other stupid thing that should be fixed in minutes. Instead, your flight will be a minimum of 30-minutes late. And with only a 60-minute layover things are going to be tight.

Seatbelt Lights, Captain Talks-A-Lot, and Tiny Sinks

Once on the plane, we can all guess what happens. You either get the mouth breather, the armrest fight, or the family with a crying baby, great! After another delay, because someone has the Samsung phone that can catch on fire, you finally get off the ground.

Now the fun is just starting. You have the one pilot who thinks he’s a comedian or has to tell you about the mountain ranges and various altitudes and temperatures the airplane is flying through. To do this he hits that stupid alert button to let you know the captain is speaking. It always scares you half to death and maddeningly he does it just seconds after you nod off.

After you finally settle in and your fellow passengers begin to relax, the captain chimes in with the dreaded alert but a relieving message that the seatbelt light is off and you are free to roam around the cabin. Okay, but You don’t have to pee so you wait. Except when you finally do have to go, the food cart is blocking your way and you have to wait another 45-minutes before you can finally relieve yourself.

airplane-toilet-324269Naturally, when you get a chance to go there’s a line and the person in before you left a stink bomb and you can smell it as soon as the door opens. To top it off, turbulence hits as soon as you get into the bathroom.

Once you figure out how to smash your hand into the tiny little sink with a 2-inch faucet to wash your hands with the non-potable water, gross, you fumble and stumble your way back to your seat. Unfortunately, 5 minutes later the guy two seats over at the window decides he needs to pee.

After the window guy returns from the bathroom, he decides to shuffle past you and grabs your seat and jerks you around as he roughly shuffles past. Why do people do that? Later, the captain interrupts your Mario Run game to let you know the seatbelt sign is on again and he is starting the descent. Instead of shutting up, he points out a key landmark. Then proceeds to give a short history of the city you are landing in. Slightly amused by the history lesson, he finishes by telling everyone the local time.

Smashing Your Head on the Overhead Bin

This, unfortunately, reminds you your flight is late and your layover is now only 30 minutes instead of 60. Which means you’ll have to practically sprint to catch your final flight. Once on the Tarmac, the pilot brings you some more interesting news. After punching his alert button, he lets everyone know you may need to taxi for a bit longer than usual. Only adding to your anxiety.

Now the anxious voice in your head starts to remind you of how far back you are in the airplane and that you may not have enough time to catch your flight. Of course, this will piss off your buddy because he took work off to pick you up at the airport. As soon as the plane comes to a stop you here 180 passengers unclicking their seat belts and grabbing bags. After the amusing struggles people are having with their bags, you stand up and slam your head into the bin that you forgot was open, excellent.

Do You Have To Sit Next To Me?

After getting off the plane, things are looking up. While others mutter their frustration, you have a few minutes to spare. So you quickly find your gate and grab a Starbucks coffee. After finding a semi-private seat to wait for your delayed flight, everything is turning out okay. You have a caramel macchiato, the delay isn’t a big deal for your buddy, and you have a decent seat. Well almost, if the lady blabbing on her phone about her delayed flight would just be quiet.

Thanks for reading my rant! Let me know what your experiences have been at airports. Any of this sound familiar?